I had meant the next entry to be in the first edition, but misplaced the paper. A friend helped me think of doing other people's stories, when he gave me this poem that was written by his late wife. When i realized i needed to could have a few more printed pages for the same price... but,a lot was going on (learned father was in hospice)
for next edition.. and this website.
Old Age by Joy Parker Thanks Gil... my Packinghouse friend
Just a line to say I'm living
that I'm not among the dead
Tho I'm getting more forgetful
and more mixed up in the head.
and sometimes I can't remember
When I stand at the foot of the stairs
If I must go up for something
or just came down from there!
And before the fridge, so often
my poor mind is filled with doubt
have i just put food away
or have I come to take some out.
An there are times when it's dark outside
with my hair net on my head
I don't know if I'm retiring
or just getting out of bed!
So if it's my turn to write you
There's no need of getting sore.
I may think i've already written
and don't want to be a bore
So just remember I miss you
and wish that you were here
now it's nearly mail time
so I must say bye bye dear
There I stood beside the Mailbox
With my face so very red
Instead of mailing you my letter
I opened it instead!
Introduction by Silverado
I will be honest, I am not comfortable doing this. On the other hand, I feel that I need to speak for myself. I am very socially challenged, but better than I was when I was young. I liked talking with friends but not strangers and my situation at home was not normal. My parents were amazing in many ways and I am grateful to have had them raise me. Having said that, I realize now that they talked a lot when people came to visit, but little to none when it was just the three of us. This left me with communication challenges that were my normal growing up.
I remember going down to Brigham Young University in Utah for their attempt to interest me in attending their track and cross country teams. The coach or someone said that he thought I wasn't shy. I seem to remember being slightly annoyed that he figured it out. Around strangers, I mostly chose to stay quiet and listen. I remember often wishing I had said something else when talking with people or the press, and being pretty annoyed with myself. One constant question was what I wanted to do for a career. I would tell people that I planned to take pre-veterinary courses while attending university. I mainly attended university so that I would be able to train with great coaches as the Olympics was my goal. I do like sciences and math so I was not lying because many of the prerequisites involved those courses. One example of my being annoyed at what the papers wrote was after a high school meet. In the paper it said something like how I had said one solitary cuss word. Pretty sure that was my final high school provincial race and that I wanted to get the national high school record. I broke the provincial but could have been easier on myself because I'd had a stress fracture after running my first world cross country championship in Portugal that spring. The press had caught me at a time that I was not happy, but other times they would catch the opposite. Either way, I would not always be happy with what i said and sometimes think that I was misunderstood. In that case, the disappointment was turned into extra training and would result in a couple of silvers in the Canada Games that year, both which broke the game’s records. Both races would be won by an athlete who was in their last university competition and both races would have less than a two second difference between first and second. On the opposite side of things, there was a provincial cross country championship that I am pretty sure that I ended up glad that I didn't finish first. Frederick Schmidt (I’m pretty sure that was her name, but not sure the spelling) won and sent me flowers for not appearing. The Canadian cross country championships was the same weekend so I was to race back east. I think that it would turn out I wouldn’t go due to fog at the airport. I am not saying these things to boast but to share my reality at the time. Racing and pets were my life.
I would eventually decide to stay in Canada and attend the University of Victoria, also called UVic, largely because of its strong running program. I went to UVic with the financial aid of the premier’s athletic award of about $2500, athletic funding for being on the sports teams, and a few other local bursaries. I also had the financial aid of federal funding at $500 a month as an Olympic hopeful. I also had jobs while going to University from working at a plant nursery to working at a fish hatchery. I was pretty frugal at university and after three years had some funds to buy my father’s horses when I decided to make a business out of a high school hobby. My father had continued it while I was at university. I would find out years later that he had been thinking of selling the acreage, which had been my only stable home growing up. Although the running was going well, when it came down to my dreams of horses or going to the Olympics, the horses won. It was hard the first few years. I wanted to get to studies in the fall but I also saw or heard of friends that competed at levels I had hoped to. Of course, now, I am glad to have known the athletes and to have felt the greatest feeling of being part of a winning team on home turf.
I am like a lot of honest folks and tend to believe people when they tell me their stories. I can live with having lost a lot to deception by strangers, but it is hard to have lost things and horses to people I thought of as friends. I am not happy with cards that have been dealt with dishonest hands.
It is so ironic that in 2008, money-wise, I could have recorded all the songs for this book with no problem. Having said that, I didn't do it mostly because I wanted the people helping me with the songs to be as serious about the bigger picture as I am. My house and acreage had been paid off in full and I had an unused line of credit for it as well as a fair bit of savings. I also had a few thousand in RRSP. It had not been easy to get to this point.
I had worked hard for many years building the business of Mandy and Me Trailriding, had invested some money wisely, and had rented up to two rooms, and my basement at different times, to get to that point. Of course, there had been occasional lean years but I had learned to tighten up the belt and in future years throw money against the mortgage to get the interest amounts down.
We all can say, "If I could turn back time, I would...!", but we can't. We can only try to learn from it. I used the line of credit to buy three houses which became a very expensive education on many levels. I had planned to have reduced to no rent to some people while letting guests, primarily people I met through the stables, be able to stay at the houses while on vacation. As things progressed, the subsidized renters would have been able to gain income as well as having fun entertaining the guests. It was a great plan, in many ways. A car accident in 2009, and some major differences in ethics with the person I partnered with, made for some disaster dominoes. I thought that a book based around songs could be a great catharsis for me and help me remember better times of my life. I hoped it could potentially help inspire others to be involved in tourism as well as to not be shy about sharing thoughts of their own. I hoped, and still hope, that this can become a bit of a way to meet others and share stories of pets with the idea of bringing some joy and peace but also sharing some of the sadder times with the hopes of helping others avoid unnecessary loss. An example of this is the song "Let's Sing Together". It is a fun song about a rooster but it is also an anti-bullying song. The irony is that I let myself be bullied. I used to bully myself and continually push myself to new goals. I had so much faith that the good guys win and did not believe that I could ever lose my stables to foreclosure. It is hilariously ironic on many levels, and sometimes I laugh, sometimes.
Being blind to other people's lack of vision or belief is key to running and winning races and succeeding at many things. But you do need someone in your corner who can see the vision if it is a big one and involves a better community that you are part of. It comes down to communication problems. I should have asked people at the bank that credit be given to me for adding a new roof and paying property tax early. Once in front of the judge for the final day, the bank ended up taking a huge loss on the value of the house that I would have gladly paid a mortgage for more than the actual value of it. My business had finally started to get in the black after letting it go for a few years. Furthermore, my motivation and belief in others had finally started getting back on track too. Why did I say ironic? Hint, my motivation and belief in others are lacking again but I have not given up entirely.
I have had many incredibly great tenants and guests who have either rented or helped out with the stables in exchange for staying or a combination of both. Also on the good side, I realize that I have not had it nearly as bad as many and that everyone has a story that we can learn from. I have made many mistakes and like to look back and figure out what I could have done differently. The fact is that sometimes it is systems that need changing and people need to not be so judgemental. Having said that, the best thing about this book is you can't judge me on my singing!
One last point, crazy idea and semi crazy truth. I basically stopped my university funded/assisted running at the end of my third year at UVic. I’d finished 22nd at my 3rd world cross country championship at the age of 20 and had broken the Canadian university record in a time slightly faster than what a former UVic runner (Deb Scott) I sometimes trained with, once won the world indoor championships in. Her race was probably tactical, while mine was solo, but still.. .the idea of world pace to world peace is my new dream. I/we need a team.. hoping for recruits of coaches and participants!
